not.

i hate this. i hate being jobless. i understand that i am deffintly not the only one who has made redundant but i love working. i have applied everywhere. i just hate not having money to go anywhere or see people. i feel like i let everyone down. and i dont want to anymore. i dont want to have to borrow money or people or make people feel like they have to buy me a drink or whatever.
fuck it. i might as well became a total recluse.

Want List. Part 2.

Studio Ghibli Collection. - Ebay!

To see Graf Orlock - Monday.

To get a job - ANYWHERE.

To get some red vans authentics - Like this.

To get the sims 3 - soon :(

To get a pet bunny - Like this

Basically.

I will never let you down.
Ever.

You mean the world to me. And more. My Boyfriend. My Best Friend. My Saviour.

evil

"There is no heaven of glory bright, and no hell where sinners roast. Here and now is our day of torment! Here and now is our day of joy! Here and now is our opportunity! Choose ye this day, this hour, for no redeemer liveth!"

everyday

everyday im constantly battling my deamons. which are jelousy and paranoia. im learning to control it. i will never let this win. because i am strong. and i can pull myself through it. i will not let this destroy me. i will not let this destroy us. xo

"Here comes the rain"

I've been thrown in to this mess now I'm just trying to survive.
This is the sound of a young man breaking ties.
Out here nothing makes sense, I cant decipher fact from pretense.
This is the sound of a young man breaking ties.
This is a convoluted attempt to find some source of hope, this is the sound of letting go.
You might feel the urge to turn back now, cause we know it just gets worse and worse.
Regrettably this might just be a waste of time.
It just deteriorates verse by verse.
If you're still reading along be warned, its the kind of thing that ends in a dot dot dot.
If you know what I mean just hang your head, it's the kind of thing that ends...
Dark skies for ominous times.
These days, they just get worse and worse.
Now that you know how this ends you can get started making amends, it just deteriorates verse by verse. If your still reading along be warned, its the kind of thing that ends in a dot dot dot.
If you know what I mean just hang your head, its kind of thing that ends...so just read along

Scrabble.

Lately. Im finding myself addicted to scrabble. Im not one for board games apart from good old Monopoly but im really intrigued buy it. Best is, I have it on ds so my sister and mum and that can play against me aswell. Because we all have a ds you see.
But I realised everytime I have played it I find the same word EVERYTIME. That being "bint" which means !"`Bint` may be: * The Arabic word for 'daughter', see ibn. * A slang word in the United Kingdom, a derogatory term for a woman (and sometimes men).".

Crazy.

Also today is 3 months since me and my boyfriend started going out. Its going really really well. Im not going to mess this up. ILY xo

Forgotten?

I dont know whats going on lately. I feel like im being forgotten about. It really sucks. I dont ever recieve texts off anybody asking to do something. Hell i dont even get them asking how I am. I make alot of effort with people and I feel like its shoved in my face all the fucking time. Im fucking sick of it. Im not going to be fucking walked over. I dont have "doormat" tattooed over my fucking head do i?

F.M.L. seriously.

Day whatever ; strawberry fair and train journeys.

So today. It looked like it was going to be a bad day because of the stupid rain. I was just about to cancel my plans when I spoke to Bear. She said it was only spitting though and that the sky was clearing so I thought fuck it . Why not.

So im getting on the train and its fucking packed. I mean I had to stand up all the way to Cambridge. Admittitly its not that far, but 50 mins standing then the most killer walk ever. Not want. So i got there. And waited for what seemed an eternity for Rob and his mates to get there. He was moaning in the first 2 minutes bless him.

So walking around i saw some right fruits. Including a man wearing a womans nightie , wearing sandals , socks and using a banana as a phone. We think it was for a publicity stunt or something. But it was quite amusing.

After 5 hours sitting drinking cider I went home. Rob walked me to the station, but I had killer back pain so was being a bit docile and taking my time. I got to the station and thought I had missed my train, but it had been delayed for 5 mins. So then i bumped into Toby, Dirty G and Jez. Getting on the train was murder. It was worse than being shoved right in the middle of a Slayer pit. Ultimate death. But thanks to some sneaky monuvers by Jez and G we got a table seat.
It was quite amusic. And some fail woman spilt ketchup on my bag. So we all started listening to our music. And this woman turns ound to Toby and goes "can i ask a question" and he replies with, Oh if its about my ears , ive had it all day. so no.
ahaha
Legends

Home now, I feel like my legs are about to fall off, All i want to do is have my boyfriend here, drink tea, eat toast and snuggle watching peep show.

:( miss him
peace. xo

Day eleven : Insomnia awesome.

In pure ghost white I see what was mine
Drowned in jet black that haunts your shadows
Endless night begins
This forked road now bends
A forked tongue appears to lead us astray
All this that I have is all that you are
Cutting for love a new trophy scar
Just not worth the tears and penance not worth the blood that we both pour

I want to live without the guilt we give
I want to die without this pain
I want to live without the guilt we give
I want to die without your name
Without this pain
Born to burn with hell to pay
Born to burn with we will someday

Day ten : jealousy

i hate myself.
i hate my jealousy.
i hate my paranoia.
i hate myself.

Day Nine : Farm town and Bad managers.

Today. I played farm town on facebook. Im becoming quite addicted to it, and have started planning my whole entire day around it. After this I played Oblivion. It was pretty whack because i agreed to become a vampire in the dark brotherhood. But i made the mistake of sleeping and never feeding so she couldnt go out during the day. Luckily i managed to save it before and go back. So im prety much still a vampire. But i can go out during the day.

Also today, my sister came home from work sobbing her eyes out because her manager called her fat. Fat? shes only like a size 10. If that. My parents went mental. I have plans for demoniation on this shop. Not really. But i will never be going there again!

1 day till Big Brother. My summer is officialy over.

Peace XO

Day Eight. : Heat

God I cant stand this weather. I cant sleep because its so fucking hot. I cant sleep with the covers on. But then i cant sleep with them off. In a way, im fighting a losing battle. As always. Today i didnt step one foot outside my door, im scared im becomming a recluse. This is the reason i hate working! I need to ge out and chat to people but i cant without money, and i dont have money because i dont work. Vicious cycle 1 - Vic 0.

Anyways its off to try and sleep again. Please thunder soon!.

I miss Rob and Bartman. XO

Day Seven : Not bothering.

Nothing happened sunday about from mega hangouts and chillenz with my boyfriend. <3. He keeps me sane. SO today is Monday, I left Robs and came home . What a fucking nightmare that was. First off, Rob paid for me to go home as i haz no money till i get paid again. I seriously dont know what id do without him. It was real hot, and from Huntingdon i had to get a fucking coach with windows that WOULDNT open. AND if that wasnt bad enough it had no air con aswell. So aswell as having people moaning for an hour about how hot it was, i also had to deal with the smell of peopl , and sweating. NOT WANT. I finally got home, and couldnt do anything for about an hour because of the sun. I just wanted to jump in the pool. That wasnt out, so i opted for jumping in the shower. Me being me, forgot to turn it cool so i burnt myself. Real nice. Im now in a bad mood. and i cant seem to shake it. I need cheering up.